Give your company a voice
I’ve often stressed the importance of good spelling. It not only creates a professional image but also makes it easier for readers to understand what you’re saying. Now a story in The Times newspaper suggests that it could also keep you out of prison.
The FBI is hunting for a bank robber known as the ‘spelling bee bandit’ because notes he has passed to bank tellers contain the same spelling mistake.
Regular readers of this blog will recognise that we hate jargon-filled gobbledygook. Job adverts are among the worst offenders, producing gems such as this:
“Moving from hierarchical structures to a process-based architecture, our success has been based on consistent, integrated teamwork and quality enhancement through people. By ensuring consistency in the development and integration of process plans, you will facilitate the management processes to develop implementation plans for the processes they manage.
A typically hysterical interview with comedian Michael McIntyre on The Jonathan Ross Show prompted me to write this week about tautology – the use of utterly superfluous words. Michael was highlighting, in his own inimitable style, how Americans feel the need to simplify perfectly adequate English words to the extreme. (Watch the clip here!)
To make his point Michael cited examples including sidewalk (pavement), trash can (bin) and his personal favourite,
Whenever something bad happens to a Brit abroad the news item invariably mentions that the hapless individuals have been “offered consular assistance”. Ever wondered what form that assistance actually takes? According to Alan Fairs of the Foreign Office, it means “We’ve told them our phone number” while “receiving consular assistance” means “They’ve spoken to us and been told it’s nothing to do with us. Especially at weekends.”
While on the subject of jargon,
I am indebted to The Times for this correction from a local newspaper in North Yorkshire for showing what poor copywriting looks like:
“We would like to point out that Nat West is closing its Helmsley and Kirkbymoorside branch in Helmsley and not a branch in Helmsley and one in Kirkbymoorside, as stated in the Gazette & Herald last week.
“In fact, the Kirkbymoorside branch of NatWest closed in August and the branch in Helmsley – since renamed the Helmsley and Kirkbymoorside branch – will close on 10 March,” says a spokeswoman.
Sajid Javid, the culture secretary, has revealed he was once the victim of poor translation when a Japanese delegation visited the Treasury. His guests had looked confused when introduced to him and Javid later found out that his job title of economic secretary had been translated as “cheap typist”! It could have been worse though – the department’s permanent secretary was introduced as “the typist with no hope of promotion”.
Latest list of quotable greats published
The latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations was published last week, immortalising wise words from a huge variety of people from campaigners, business leaders and presidents to authors, comedians and politicians.
Newly-added quotations include Lady Gaga’s “Just trying to change the world one sequin at a time” along with the more profound “One child, one teacher, one book and one pen can change the world” from education campaigner Malala Yousafzai.
The Royal Family’s favourite grocer, Fortnum & Mason, which has enjoyed royal custom for more than 150 years, showed what a difference the humble apostrophe can make in an advert placed in yesterday’s Gay Pride programme.
At first glance, the caption “Proud to be the queens’ grocer” appears to be a proud reference to its Royal Warrant with Buckingham Palace. But anyone who knows their grammar will realise the positioning of the apostrophe gives it a very different meaning – the store is showing its support for Britain’s gay and lesbian community.
Those of us who care about trivia such as good grammar are often unfairly derided as pedants, particularly in this internet age where there is a trend towards lighter punctuation. While no grammar purist – I’m sure to have abused a semi colon or three dot ellipsis in my time – certain punctuation marks are quite simply indispensable. This is not about preserving some fondly held tradition – after all, language is constantly evolving – but pure pragmatism: when I write something I want it to be understood.
Sometimes it’s not what you say that matters – it’s more important what you leave out, as these somewhat selective reviews of West End farce ‘Barking in Essex’ demonstrate. “An outstanding cast… The glorious Keeley Hawes,” enthuses the billboard outside the theatre and, indeed, The Observer reviewer did use these exact words before noting that “actors of this calibre deserve better work than this – let alone the audiences who pay to see them.”
The play’s website says the Sunday Telegraph pronounced it “A superb ensemble”.
